Day 24

Writing Challenge Day #24: What is your truest fear? (Excluding spiders and horror films)

          I'm afraid of a lot of things. I'm afraid dark forests, pigs, being lifted by other people, and small dark places. I'm also afraid of spiders, not so much horror films though. I'm afraid of dying with my eyes closed. (If I'm going to die, I want my eyes to be open. I know, it's a weird fear, but that's what I'm afraid of.) I'm afraid that I won't take opportunities (like Ireland) because I'm too afraid. But that's not my biggest fear. Or truest, or whatever. I am mostly afraid of being entirely alone. I mean, I love having the house to myself as much as the next person. But only for so long. And when I say alone, I mean both physically being the only person, like the last person on Earth and being alone, but surrounded by people. Does that even make sense? In my head it does. Let me try again...I'm afraid of being unwanted by everyone around me, of being a complete outcast. That scares me more than being the last person on Earth. I've even had several nightmares about it. Usually they involve me waking up one day to find that no one will speak to me or even look at me, as if I didn't exist. But I know that they know that I am there, I'm just not important enough to be worth even a glance. I hate those dreams. But yeah, that's my biggest fear.

“She had blue skin,

And so did he.

He kept it hid

And so did she.

They searched for blue

Their whole life through,

Then passed right by-

And never knew.”  -Every Thing On It by Shel Silverstein 

Ireland, again.

          Alright guys...I was supposed to write about my truest fear for the writing challenge. But I can't. My mind is far too occupied elsewhere, Ireland specifically. Shall I tell you my dilemma? There is a study abroad program through my college to go to Ireland for a little less than three weeks. And what is the program, you ask? Literature. This is like MY trip. This is the trip for me. And, as far as study abroad programs go, not that costly. I really, really, reeeallly want to go. Ireland, guys! IRELAND!

          (I'm not seeing the dilemma here...)

          Sorry, I'm getting to that. I really want to go, BUT I have some cons. I've never traveled outside of the country before (Canada does not count), and that terrifies me. I would be without anyone I know, which also terrifies me. I would have to miss my brother's graduation (but hey, my older brother missed mine, so..). While the trip isn't terribly expensive, it's not terribly cheap either. And I'm only a college freshman. The trip is open to all students, but I feel like freshmen don't belong on these sorts of things. Am I right? But I want to go so bad! Guys, this is Ireland, the one place I want to go more than anywhere else (closely followed by New Zealand). I am just very torn on this. If there is anyone that reads this other than my Franco Fan, I could use some advice. (Advice from Franco Fan is more than welcome, of course. And just so you know, I will always refer to you as Franco Fan on here now. Congratulations.) I will now put on a picture from Ireland so we can take a moment to sigh wistfully. Let the sighing commence.

"All that is gold does not glitter,

Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.”

-Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring by J.R.R. Tolkein

Day 23

Writing Challenge #23: Post Pictures of Five Guys Who Are Famous And You Find Attractive
          Well, I am going to have fun with this one. Should I do 5 as the most attractive or 1? Maybe I should start with 1...

          Guy #5: You know what? I can't even rank them! They're all so adorable and I just want to give them a hug or a high five or something.
       
          Guys 1-5 in no particular order: Everyone say hi to Brenton Thwaites, Eugene Fitzherbert, Joseph Gordon Levitt, Orlando Bloom, and Aragorn. (And yes, I can have fictional characters if I want to!)


Apparently I have a thing for brunettes. Lucky for me, so does Eugene Fitzherbert...Now this was really hard to pick five, so I hope you don't mind if I chose a few honorable mentions? Of course you don't! Here they are:
            

And lastly, even if they aren't my favorite, I have a pair that just have to be on here for my most dedicated reader. I present, the Franco brothers!

                      

I realize this wasn't really a writing challenge. All I had to do was post pictures of attractive guys. Not too hard, right? Lucky for you, my book quote today is really long, so that should keep you occupied for some time.

“Do you think I am an automaton? — a machine without feelings? and can bear to have my morsel of bread snatched from my lips, and my drop of living water dashed from my cup? Do you think, because I am poor, obscure, plain, and little, I am soulless and heartless? You think wrong! — I have as much soul as you — and full as much heart! And if God had gifted me with some beauty and much wealth, I should have made it as hard for you to leave me, as it is now for me to leave you. I am not talking to you now through the medium of custom, conventionalities, nor even of mortal flesh: it is my spirit that addresses your spirit; just as if both had passed through the grave, and we stood at God's feet, equal — as we are!” -Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte

Day 22

Writing Challenge Day #22: Something You Haven't Done That Most People Have
          We're almost there! Only eight more days of this challenge. It almost seems a bit bittersweet, doesn't it? At the very least, I think it does. And now it is time to actually do the challenge. I suppose there should be quite a number of things that I haven't done that most people have. I'm just having trouble thinking of them at the moment. So let's start with things I have never done and I'll let you decide if most people have done it or not. So...shall we begin? (Just in case you're not as big of a nerd as I am, that was me, quoted Star Trek: Into Darkness. More specifically, I was quoting Khan as he taunted Captain Kirk from his holding cell. If you haven't seen this movie, watch it. If you have seen it, watch it again. Which is what I plan on doing, possibly tomorrow if I have time. Anyway, the list...)


Things I Haven't Done That Most People May or May Not Have Done:

1. Gotten a pedicure or a manicure
2. Seen Anastasia
3. Traveled farther west than Indiana
4. Traveled farther east than Tennessee
5. Gone to a theatre to see a rated R movie
6. Lived in a city
7. Been in a relationship
8. Met an author (I want to. Some day, hopefully)
9. Had a secret crush on Channing Tatum (Sorry...I just don't find him to be all that attractive. He seems like a nice guy though)
10. Gone hunting
11. Had a smart phone
12. Listened to NSYNC
13. I'm kind of sick of this list.
14. So I think I'll stop putting things on it.
15. Fifteen is a good number to stop at.

"Dreams are like that: they go in and out of memories and scenes, but they're never real. They're never real, and I hate them because they aren't." -Across the Universe by Beth Revis

The Twenty First Day

Writing Challenge Day #21: Your Favorite TV Show

       
          I have a handful of TV shows that I watch. I watch Falling Skies, which I actually don't enjoy, but I've been watching it from the beginning and I can't stop now. And there's only one more season, so it'll be over soon. I also have 'The Big Five', which are all contest shows, for lack of a better term. 'The Big Five' includes America's Got Talent (Mat Franco won! He was my favorite of the top 6, so I'm glad he won.), American Idol, American Ninja Warrior, Survivor, and Face Off. I enjoy all of these shows, mostly, but none of them are my favorite. My favorite TV show, easily, is The Walking Dead. It was a show that I originally wouldn't have watched. And I wasn't planning on it either. My brother just happened to be watching the first episode while I was doing homework. So, of course, I watched it instead of doing homework. And at first, I couldn't stomach it. I had to close my eyes during the gory scenes (and have my brother tell me when they were over). It was a disgusting show. But for some reason, I watched the next episode. And the next one after that. It was so addicting. And I eventually built up my gore tolerance. And they just got more intense and more disturbing. It comes back on October 12! I am slightly excited for season 5. I also don't like Carl. And I think that's all I've got to say on that.

*Edit* I may have lied unintentionally. While I do love Walking Dead, I really do, I don't think it's my favorite TV show. There is one other show that I forgot about entirely, probably because it's series finale was in 2004. You know what I'm talking about? Friends. I think it is the best show ever and I'm just sad that there won't ever be new episodes (unless by some chance they do Friends: The Nursing Home Years, which, however entertaining it might be, isn't very likely to happen.) So number one favorite TV show? Friends. Number one favorite TV couple? Monica and Chandler. (Sorry Jim and Pam, I like them better) Number one favorite TV character that Jennifer Aniston has played? Rachel Green. I also really like the theme song.

"It takes ten times as long to put yourself back together as it does to fall apart." -Mockingjay

The Day of Twenty

          Quick off topic before I do the writing challenge for today...So, my dad drives me home after school every Tuesday (I commute to school, usually with a carpool, but on Tuesdays, I come home with my dad),
and every time the car 'breaks down' and we stop to eat somewhere, usually somewhere I haven't been before. Today we 'broke down' at Cancun Grill, and while I'm not usually a huge fan of Mexican food, it was pretty darn good. I don't think it's a place I would go very often, but I could definitely could see myself going there again. Although, like most restaurants, they gave me way too much food. Oh well, at least it makes for good leftovers. And I have a picture of the chips and salsa we get before our meal! Anywho. On to the challenge!

Writing Challenge Day Twenty: The Meaning Behind Your Blog Name
          Well...The person who made this blog is very different than the one I am now. At the time, you know, when I first made it, I was a silly, insipid person who was over dramatic and cried too easily. And I kind of gave my blog two names (I wasn't really sure what I was doing when I made it). So first, there is the eleganceofinspiration.blogspot.com tidbit. I remember wanting to have something about inspiration there and elegance of inspiration sounded cool and, well, elegant. I didn't really have meaning. But now, I really like it. It has definitely grown on me. There really is something elegant about finding inspiration in things. I try to find inspiration, as well as to inspire, on a daily basis. It's no secret that I love to write, and in order to be a writer, you need to find inspiration everywhere, especially in the little things that other people don't notice. And to me, there is a certain elegance to that.
          Now, the second name, Make it Good, means pretty much the same thing to me now that it did when I made the blog. It basically means that you can take any situation and make it good. You just need to look at it right. The biggest difference with this title is that, when I made it, it was just an Idea with a capital I. Something that I wanted to do, but didn't think I ever would. Now it's actually attainable. I've gotten quite a bit better at putting a positive spin on things. I'm glad I have, too. I rather like the person I am now.

"It's amazing that a man who is dead can talk to people through these pages. As long as this book survives, his ideas live." -Eragon by Christopher Paolini

Nineteen.

Writing Challenge Day #19: What's in Your Bag?
          My purse, or my backpack? I'll do both. In my backpack, I have my stats book, binder, folder, and notebook. I have a folder for environmental science. I also have The Fellowship of the Ring as well as two other, smaller notebooks. And an umbrella, my wallet, and a lunch bag. And that's just the big pocket! In the middle pocket I have a broken mini stapler and a picture, I think. In my smallest pocket, I have a calculator, three pens, a bag of almonds, and some leaves from the costume for Little Shop of Horrors (don't ask...) I believe that's all that's in my backpack.
         In the inside pocket of my purse, I have four bookmarks that I took from a library, three dollars, and a receipt from Meijer. In the main pocket, I have headphones, ten dollars, movie tickets (The Fault in Our Stars, Guardians of the Galaxy, and Maleficent), my planner, and my checkbook. In the smallest, front pocket I have random change, which consists mostly of pennies.

         I'm sorry this is so terribly short. I don't really have anything interesting in either of my bags. On a random note, it is very cold in Michigan, considering how warm it was not that long ago, and I am wearing two pairs of socks, sweatpants, a long sleeved t-shirt, and a sweatshirt (my Harry Potter sweatshirt, of course :o). And I am snuggled in a very fuzzy blanket that I got last year for Christmas. Needless to say, I am very cold. I despite the fact that the season of perpetually cold feet is coming up, I'm kind of excited. Or really excited. I love Christmas! And I can't wait for the first snow and the first time we turn on the fireplace and when Christmas music starts playing on the radio...And I have a bit of a confession...I'm actually listening to Christmas music as I type this. I'm home alone and I didn't want to wait until November. So judge me if you want, but I'm enjoying myself! Also, I had an interview today. I was so nervous that I could barely eat breakfast (you know how I am with people) and even now that it's over, I still can't eat lunch. It was very nerve wrecking, but I think it went well. The lady who interviewed me was very nice and made me feel more at ease. I think I might actually have a shot at this one...I'll keep you posted!

"It is a strange thing, but when you are dreading something, and would give anything to slow down time, it has a disobliging habit of speeding up." -Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire by J.K. Rowling

Day Eighteen

Writing Challenge Day #18: Your Zodiac Sign and if You Think it Fits Your Personality
          My zodiac sign is Libra. I didn't really know all that much about it, other than that Libra is mostly October and it has something to do with scales. So, I had to do some research. It was actually very interesting and I wouldn't mind learning more about astrology. Here's what I found out: Libra, the scales, is the 7th zodiac symbol in the wheel. It goes from September 24 to October 23. It is also a constellation, a quadrangle shape, and has the star Zubeneschamali in it. Zubeneschamali is a green tinged star 160 light years from Earth and is the brightest in the constellation. It is located between Virgo (to the West) and Scorpius (to the East). In Babylonian Astronomy, the scales were sacred to the sun god, Shamash, the patron of truth and justice. This is very similar to Roman Mythology, where Libra is meant to represent the scales held by Astraea, the goddess of justice. I find the Arabic idea of Libra to be more interesting than the first to. The scales can also be "an allusion to the fact that when the sun entered this part of the ecliptic at the autumnal equinox, the days and nights are equal," (Wikipedia).
          So I'm definitely getting the Justice! vibe from Libra. Now I shall share with you the characteristics that Libra's tend to have.

          Strengths:

• Diplomatic
• Graceful
• Peaceful
• Idealistic
• Hospitable
• Likes to be around other people (partnerships and groups)
• Can be very independent, but would rather be with others (not sure if this is strength or weakness..)
• Love excitement and new situations
• Adventurous 
• Artistic
• Excellent instincts and intuition
• Fair and respectful
• Courageous

          Weaknesses

• Superficial
• Vain
• Indecisive
• Unreliable
• Lazy
• Messy
• Very focused on money (this was actually listed as a strength, but I disagree. So I moved it.)
• Self-Doubt
• Underachievers
• Pushover
• Insecure
• Desperately requires love and approval

          Unfortunately, I have more of the weaknesses than the strengths. I definitely found myself relating to that list more. In fact, most of the things on the strengths list are the exact opposite of me. I am not courageous, nor am I adventurous. More often than not, I do not like to be around other people and I hate change and new things.  Whereas on the weaknesses, I am very indecisive, lazy, and messy. (You do not want to see my room...I think I'm messy on account of being lazy...) I definitely am insecure and doubt myself. In the past year I have become a pushover, which I hate. I never stand up for myself anymore. I am also desperate for love, unfortunately. I found something else that describes being a Libra a bit better than these lists however, on zodiac-signs-astrology-.com/zodiac-signs/libra.htm and I'm going to copy it here and highlight what describes me.

          "They are also likely to hide or bend their own true feelings in order to bring peace with a group and to make others like them. Sometime this results in them not really knowing what their true feelings are because they are trying to make everyone happy. Other people can see this and Libras have earned themselves a reputation for being indecisive, they simply do not want to hurt anyone's feelings or cause disorder or friction in a situation. This spills over inside the person and many times, Libras have difficulty making decisions. Inside, the Libra is very insecure , they suffer from a lack of self confidence, they are always searching for something to complete them. This is another reason why they are social butterflies, it is an unconscious attempt to find the missing peace through other people. By trying to appease other people all the time, Libras don't really know who they are inside. Libras desperately need love and approval, they will do the favors that people ask and and have a hard time saying 'no' or 'I'm too busy' in order to prove how nice they are, this gradually builds up resentment and negative self esteem issues inside. Libra's indecisiveness is caused by fear, their fear that a wrong decision will make everything come crashing down around them and cause turmoil in their lives. Life is not like that and the Libra that acknowledges the fact that life has ups and downs will be less emotionally wound up, not so hard on themselves and as a result, they will be a much happier person."

          Well, jeez. Maybe I just should have highlighted the stuff that doesn't describe me. It would have been less to highlight. Essentially, the only thing wrong about this is the social butterfly part. I am neither social nor a butterfly (still human, last time I checked...) I was actually kind of shocked at how well this paragraph described what goes on in my head. Good job, random website. I finally have a decent way to describe my indecisiveness. And now I have decided to be done. Until tomorrow!

"I am tired of trying to hold things together that cannot be held. Trying to control what cannot be controlled. I am tired of denying myself what I want for fear of breaking things I cannot fix. They will break no matter what we do." -The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern

Day Number Seventeen

Writing Challenge Day #17: What is Your Love Language?
          I didn't know what my love language was. So, I went to 5lovelanguages.com and took a quiz. My results weren't very surprising. It ranked my the love languages highest to lowest, highest being my love language and lowest being...not my love language. Let's start with the bottom, shall we? Alright...Love Language number five is......

          Acts of Service! Essentially this has to do with the whole 'actions speak louder than words' thing. People that have this as their language don't need to hear 'I love you', they need you to prove it by doing things for them. I am not surprised that this ranked lowest for me. I don't like it when people do things for me. One, I usually would rather just do it myself, and two, I always feel like I have to return the favor. I don't like being indebted to other people.

          My second last love language is....Receiving Gifts. Also not surprised that this one is in the bottom. I hate getting gifts. Well. No, that's not quite true. I like getting things, but I don't like it when people are watching me receive things, which makes me not want presents..you know what I mean? I'm just not very good at reacting. So feel free to send me something in the mail, where I can open it by myself, and then get back to you later about how much I love it.

          This one would seem awfully high on the list if it weren't for the bottom two. Can you guess what it is? Physical Touch. If you know me, you know that I am not a touchy person. I don't like holding hands (you know who you are...) and hugs can only last a maximum of five seconds. Well, I take that back. For most people, hugs can't last longer than five seconds. There are a select few where I would be okay hugging for maybe ten seconds, fifteen tops. Also, nobody touches my feet or shoulders. Ever. So back rubs and foot rubs are out of the equation. Now you know, if you ever meet me, don't touch me.

          Now, my top two love languages. These ones make sense, at least to me. Love language number two is Words of Affirmation. According to focusonthefamily.com, this one is described as 'spoken praise and appreciation will fall like rain on parched soil', and I totally agree with it. I personally have low self-esteem and I find it hard to fathom the idea of people liking me. So hearing people say the love me means a lot, you know? I feel like this is self explanatory...I like to hear that I'm loved.

         Are you ready for number one? My top love language is.......Quality Time!! Again, I am not surprised at all. To me, there is no better way to show me that you care than to put your freaking phone away and give me your undivided attention. That's all I ask for. I just like to spend time with the people I love. You don't need to do things for me or give me things. Just spend time with me and give me your attention. And for the love of my sanity, put the phone away.

"I cannot fix on the hour, or the look, or the words, which laid the foundation. It is too long ago. I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun." -Mr. Darcy, Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

The Sixteenth Day

Writing Challenge Day #16: Something You Regret Not Doing This Past Year

          There are quite a few things that I regret not doing this year. I regret not running every day. I sort of regret not going to the winter formal. Not that much though...I'm not a huge fan of those. Let's see...what else do I regret not doing? I think that my problem is I don't usually regret not doing something. I tend to regret things I've done. Anyway, I think the thing I regret not doing the most is not really being there for a few friends. I was very close with three of them, but the other two? Not so much. It's not that I didn't like them, because I do. It's just...they didn't need me. And I suppose I didn't really need them. I definitely could have tried harder to stay close to them, but I already had the friends I needed, the ones that really helped me get through the past year. They were the ones that were there for for me. So I guess what I'm saying it's, I regret not trying hard enough to be close to my other friends. It's my biggest regret, because they are great people and I would love to be as close to them as I used to be. But I am pretty good at shutting people out and retreating into myself when things start to be rough. And I really regret it and I'm sorry.

"That was the thing. You never got used to it, the idea of someone being gone. Just when you think it's reconciled, accepted, someone points it out to you, and it just hits you all over again, that shocking." -The Truth About Forever by Sarah Dessen

Day Fifteen

Writing Challenge Day #15: A Place You Would Like to Move to or Visit



Stonepath

          I'm going to start this challenge off by saying that none of the pictures on this post are mine. I found them on Pinterest, and they are beautiful. If I knew who took them, I'd give them credit. As it is, I don't. So if you see a picture you or someone you know has taken on this post, feel free to comment and give them credit for it. And now I shall begin.

Rock of Cashel

          I want to go to Ireland, so bad. It is a beautiful place filled with beautiful people (and some not so beautiful...but every place has those, I guess.) And I love Irish music. It just makes me very happy. I especially love Flogging Molly, The Dubliners, and The Pogues.
          So. Ireland. Of course I would like to see Dublin and the Dublin Writers Museum. I want to see the Mourne Mountains and the Fanad Lighthouse in Donegal and the Tollymore Forest Park and the Stonepath in Newcastle and the dark hedges...I want to go to the Rock of Cashel. Guys, this place is amazing. Do you realize that the Rock of Cashel is where St. Patrick converted the people of Ireland to Catholicism? That is so freaking awesome and I want to go there so bad! I want to see all of the beauty of Ireland for myself instead of through pictures. I really want to. But I am in my first year of college, which means I don't have the money to go. I wish I didn't have to worry about the money. I wish I could just pack a bag, go to the airport, and buy the first ticket I can to get to Ireland. Someday, hopefully, I'll get there.


Dark Hedges

"He was a professor, a lover of stories, and he was building her a library in the same way other men might build their daughters houses." -The Statistical Probability of Love at First Sight by Jennifer E. Smith



Day of Fourteen

Writing Challenge Day 14: Your Relationship With Food
          Oh boy...food. I love to eat it, I love to make it, and I love to smell it, and I love to look at it. Food is beautiful. But...I also hate it. I hate when I eat too much, I hate that my favorite foods are all unhealthy (except strawberries. I love strawberries.), I hate that I have a low metabolism and can't eat all the food I want to. For example, the other night I had a bag of popcorn and about four cookies, which was delicious at the time, so good. But I ended up having a horrible stomach ache and a headache that didn't go away until halfway through the next day. And I expected it...I knew it was going to happen, but the cookies were just so darn good!! I'm usually pretty good at eating healthy though. I've swapped crackers out for almonds, dessert for granola bars, and cheese for apples. That's usually what my lunch consists of. And generally I'll eat some kind of healthy cereal for breakfast, although sometimes I'll cave and eat a bagel. (Blueberry is the best!) Dinner varies...usually some kind of chicken. Speaking of chicken...remember that list of things to do before my next birthday? Well I made something that was on my food board on Pinterest...chicken and broccoli stir fry. And it was delicious! Not trying to brag or anything. I also decided that I want to end my posts with quotes from my favorite books and authors. So that's what I shall do.

"The world is not in your books and maps. It's out there." -The Hobbit

Day Thirteen

Writing Challenge Day 13: Someone You Would Like to Meet

          This is a very good question. At first I thought maybe a band, but to be honest, I don't want to meet people that sing my favorite songs. I don't want to hear that they didn't even write the song, that it isn't personal, that they are just good at singing it...I'd rather pretend that each and every song means something to them, and they were written out of experience. Now, of course I know that this usually isn't the case. But still. I like to pretend. So that would have to be a no for a musician. (Unless maybe I met The Piano Guys. Or 2cellos. I love them regardless.)
          Then I thought...a historical figure? Or rather, an author that lived more than a century ago? Perhaps Jane Austen or Charlotte Bronte. I wasn't really feeling that either. But I like the idea of authors. J.K. Rowling? I would love to meet her and discuss all things Harry Potter. Which ultimately led me to book/movie characters. But there are so many of them that I would love to meet! And I have a whole list of them. Care to see?

• Sirius Black from Harry Potter 3-5
• Poppet and Widget from The Night Circus
• Brom from Eragon
• Samwise Gamgee from The Lord of the Rings 1-3
• Augustus Waters from The Fault in Our Stars
• Elizabeth Bennet from Pride & Prejudice
• Warden from The Bone Season
• Wes from The Truth About Forever
• Basil from The Picture of Dorian Gray
• Javert from Les Miserables
• Brigan from Fire

          Well, you get the idea. There are several characters that I would love to meet. The one character I would choose above all of these, however, you haven't heard of. Unless you are one of the five people (including my sister) I've told this to, you don't know who she is. Her name is Azure and she is the main character in a book that I am writing. And I absolutely love her. I wish it were possible to actually meet her and talk to her. So that's who I pick as someone I would like to meet. A character that was born in my head.


P.S. Fall is coming...so I'm changing the look again! And I, for one, am very excited for the autumn season :o)

The Day of Twelve

Writing Challenge Day 12: Someone You Miss

          Remember that post, way back in 2012, I was sad about a boy who broke my heart? It was on Memorial Day and I cried on the bus. Looking back, I wish I hadn't. I don't think it was worth it. Not that he wasn't worth it, because he definitely is. He's a great guy and I'll always love him to death, but it wasn't worth bringing myself down. Anyway, that's what I miss. My friend. We haven't spoken (or texted, or whatever) since my 'birthday party' (that I had to plan, by the way) way back during Christmas break. And it's just really sad, because he used to be one of my best friends and now he's a stranger to me. I miss him a lot and I think about him almost every day.

         But.

         It's okay, you know? I miss him terribly, but I don't think we're meant to be friends. I think he was just someone who was supposed to be there for me when I needed him. And that's the thing...I don't need him anymore. I think I'll always miss him, but I don't think I need him in my life anymore. Is any of this making sense? Or am I just rambling? Probably a little bit of both.