It's the Last Day of 2014!

          I don't really have anything terribly exciting to write about, so I'm going to do the cliche thing and write about the past year with the help of a few journal prompts.

What were the three best things that happened last year?

          This is weird to think about because this year I have been both a high school senior and a college freshman. I have been two different people. The person I was in high school would never have applied for the Ireland trip. I mean, she could barely handle going to a community college, much less another country. Regardless I will look at this as the me I am now, considering it's the most accurate at the moment. So first, getting accepted for the Ireland trip, of course. That's easily the biggest thing on my list. Second would have to be going to college. When I first started, I was terrified. I can't even begin to describe to you the overwhelming social anxiety and insecurity I felt. But now, I am much better off for it. I have definitely grown as a person. Lastly, getting the fourth gold cup at St. Cecilia's Music Festival. I had been working towards it for twelve years, and I finally got it. Twelve years! That was one of the best moments of my life. 

         Now, it was very difficult to pick only three, so I picked some honorable mentions. I was accepted to WMU's music school. Even though I didn't end up going there, it was a huge accomplishment. I graduated from high school, which I wasn't terribly excited for (I'm not a fan of change), but it was a lot of fun. At my last piano recital, I got to play two movements of a Beethoven piece and a concerto with my piano teacher. It was easily the best recital I've ever had. It was kind of my shining moment as a musician (I am usually not the one in the spotlight). I had a solo in my last high school play, which I'd never had anything close to before. I got a real job and met some amazing coworkers! I think my favorite part of this past year is that, even though it had many lasts and it was very bittersweet, it also had so many firsts that I never expected to have. All in all, I'd say it was a pretty good year.

What were the three worst things that happened last year?

          Not really something I'd like to think about, but of course, it has to be done. The worst thing I can think of so far is my panic attacks. I've had them before, but they've gotten increasingly worse and more frequent as the year went on. Another bad thing would be the parting of ways. You know, after high school, you just sort of lose touch with one another. In a way, I'm happy it happened. But it's also rather sad to think about, as if the last four years of trying to make relationships didn't matter in the end. The last worst thing I can think of was Valentine's weekend last year. It wasn't so much that I didn't have a guy, it's just that I was completely alone when I thought that, for once, I would have at least some friends to be with that day. Needless to say, I was so distraught that I ran five miles on a treadmill whilst staring at a clock. (I run best when I'm upset). I've mostly gotten over that day, and the good and bad effects it had on me. The two people that I thought would be there for me that day are easily two of my closest friends now, so there are no hard feelings there. However, it's the amplified insecurity and loneliness and hurt that I experienced that day that I still struggle with. 

What did you learn about yourself in 2014?

          As previously stated, I am a different person now than I was at the beginning of the year. Regardless, I'm still me, even if I am a different version of me. I learned that it's okay to fail sometimes. I learned that I actually am pretty smart. I learned that, while it's okay to spend time in the world of books, you shouldn't take up residence there. You need to interact with real people too. I learned that, although I feel like an inherently selfish person, I actually do think about others more than I think I do. I learned that it's okay to be sad. I learned that I don't have to feel guilty for talking to people's boyfriends. It's okay to be friends with them too. I learned, with the help of some good friends, that I'm actually kind of an okay person. I learned that some people actually want to know me, for who I am, and not who I think they would rather know. (Did that even make sense?) But, one of the biggest things I learned, and am still learning, is that "I'm bad, and that's good. I will never be good and that's not bad. There's no one I'd rather be, than me."

Where do you see yourself one year from now?

          I'm pretty sure I will be a different person, again, in a year. I'm going to go through some big changes before this year is over. I'm going to be in IRELAND! for three weeks, which will be a life changing experience for me. I'm also going to be moving out next fall and living in a dorm, which probably should have been something I experienced this year, but oh well. Or I could be the exact same person. Who knows? I suppose I'll let you know next year. 

         I hope you're all safe tonight, and have a happy 2015!

"Your past is always your past. Even if you forget it, it remembers you." -What Happened to Goodbye by Sarah Dessen

It's a News Kind of Day

          Well, I'm back! And boy, do I have a lot to tell you! It's been a very busy few weeks (when was the last time I posted?) I have some good news and a bit of slightly bad news. I'll start with the bad and work up to the really good.
          Slightly bad: I almost lost my forever alone status. I came very, very close to going on a date (a first!). At first, I was really excited and happy and downright giddy about it. But then reality slapped me pretty hard and I realized that I didn't actually have the feelings for the person, but rather the idea of having a person to be with. I was terribly stressed and anxious about all of it, because I didn't know how to tell him that. However, him being the great guy that he is, saw that it wasn't what either of us needed and ended it all for me. So that's the bad news. See, it's only slightly bad. And it's only bad because it forced me to look at myself and figure our what I want and need. (But isn't that good news? Yes and no. I'll tell you why not when I finish that writing challenge. Which I feel like I can do now. Well, no...not right now, not today. But in the near future.)

          Good news part one: I was just in Punta Cana for six days. I didn't bring my phone on the trip and there was no WiFi (Well, you could buy some for $60 a day. No, thank you!). So I had six days of freedom from the outside world and let me tell you, it was great. Just me, the beach, and a book (and my family). It was a very cleansing week for me, considering how rough the few weeks before had been. (You know, with the whole slightly bad news thing, what I'll write about in my last writing challenge, and exams.) Let me tell you a bit about my trip. I discovered that I was not meant to be in a plane. Especially very early in the morning or very late at night (when it's dark out). Claustrophobia and acrophobia are a poor combination when you're above the clouds in a very crowded and cramped plane. Let's just say it was a very long 12 hour journey to get to Punta Cana. Getting there, however, was worth it. The water is so blue and the sky is so blue and the sun was so warm. I could have stayed there much longer than a week. I think I spent three days in a row just lounging on the beach, reading and napping, with occasional breaks to jump in the pool or the ocean. More often than not, I jumped in the pool because I also discovered that I'm a bit of a baby when it comes to the ocean. Or rather, I'm a spoiled Michigander that has the Great Lakes and they don't taste like salt. I could not stand the taste of the ocean. If there had been shells or less seaweed, I may have been tempted to go in it more. But as it was, the pool worked just swell for me. While I was there I had my first drink (it was alright, but I didn't like the aftertaste), took a picture with a monkey and a half naked man (not out of my own free will), and met a guy who has the unfortunate, yet uncanny, appearance of Justin Bieber (I asked...he's not Justin Bieber, but he is from Canada! There are a surprisingly large amount of Canadians in Punta Cana). I also met a woman who was British/Canadian (she moved to Canada) and she had been to Ireland several times. She told me a lot about the politics between the North and the South and about how beautiful it is there. She also told me that half of Giant's Causeway is in Scotland. Who knew? I didn't! She got to tell me all these cool things about her time in Ireland and you know what? I got to tell her that...

I'M GOING TO IRELAND!!!!

          Just look at this beautiful country! And I get to go there! Guys, I'm going to IRELAND!!!!! I can't tell you how ridiculously excited I am that I was accepted. I found out on December 6th and I've been trying to sell scarves to raise money to go and I'm working two jobs and teaching piano along with that. So I've been very busy between making scarves, piano lessons, my job, and school (however we're on break now, which is nice). I'm just so excited that I actually have the opportunity to go to the one place that I am just dying to go to. And it's for Literature! I just can't believe I'm going. I am so blessed to have this opportunity. 

          Guys. I'm going to Ireland!

"To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all." -Oscar Wilde (In case you didn't know, Oscar Wilde is one of the authors I'll be studying in Ireland :o)