Day of 26

Writing Challenge Day #26: Think Back to How You Were 5 Years Ago. Have You Changed?
          Well of course I have changed. It'd be hard not to in 5 years. I feel like I've actually gone through multiple changes. Five years ago, I was very confident in myself. I would have even considered myself to be a leader. Now, not a good leader, but I had the extroversion to be one. I was arrogant and loud and naive. I used to wish I could be like I was five years ago. However, now I know that I would rather not be that person. Sure, she was confident in herself and her abilities, but she was volatile, emotionally unstable, and far too susceptible to jealousy. I don't want to be her.
          Four years ago I began my rather sudden transition from over confident pain in the butt to the insecure introvert. High school will do that to a person. The first few years of high school were void of any self confidence and spent in countless hours of self loathing. I'm not going to lie, it was pretty bad. I was always sad. I hated looking in the mirror. I didn't want to be me. My last year of high school was better. I still didn't really like myself, but I least I confided in people, something that I apparently have a problem doing. I gained a small bit of independence, not much, but a little. My high school years were all a gradual, slight upward change.
         I went through another rather sudden change this year, which coincided pretty much with me starting college. The whole people anxiety thing is not nearly as overwhelming is it used to be. Sure, I get a little nervous around people I don't know, but it's a natural nervousness. It's no where near the gut wrenching, near panic I used to feel around people that I didn't know. Yes, I would still consider myself to be an introvert. I am not a bubbly, loud person that will just approach people. But I'm not the scared introvert anymore. Now I'm just an introvert. I am also much more independent when than I used to be. And oh my goodness, you would not believe how much I've called people I don't know without giving it a second thought. I used to have to give myself I pep talk for up to fifteen minutes before I could muster up the courage to even dial the number. I'm not saying that I suddenly have astounding self confidence, because I don't, or that now I can be leader, because I'm not. I just know that, compared to the me I was five years ago, and even two months ago, I haven't been more happy with who I am than I am now.

(Quick note about today's quote. I haven't actually read The Book Thief, but it's on my list of 'Must Reads' and I want to read it as soon as possible. However, I did just see the movie, and it made me cry...very good movie. I don't know how it compares with the book, but, since I haven't read it yet, I have no qualms recommending the movie.)


"The consequence of this is that I'm always finding humans at their best and worst. I see their ugly and their beauty, and I wonder how the same thing can be both." -The Book Thief by Markus Zusak