Bucket List

I actually took this picture! Sorry for the crappy quality.

          Hey guys, guess what!? I am super close to being able to cross an item off of my bucket list, which I am very excited about! Can you guess what it is? Probably not. No, I won't be getting my book published (as of right now, anyway). It still needs to go through a long editing process. Nope, we're looking at item number 4 on my bucket list, not number one.
(Would you like to see the first 10 items on my list? I'm going to share them anyway, so deal with it.)

Bucket List Items 1-10

1. Publish a book
2. Learn another language
3. Travel to New Zealand--->Visit Hobbiton!
4. Learn how to play cello
5. Swim with dolphins (I know this is so cliché, but I still want to do it!)
6. Find my significant other (He's probably in Hobbiton)
7. Visit the set of Harry Potter
8. Live in another state for any period of time
9. Go to Ireland (and see all the things!!!)
10. Watch all the Harry Potter movies in one day (same with Lord of the Rings+The Hobbit)

I'm sorry that this is a really short post, but I have to draw pictures. See ya!

Books, books, books

          Okay, okay...so I failed the drawing challenge after just one day. But day 2 required me to draw a pet and I didn't have the time nor the patience to draw something that I didn't want to draw. In other news, I have been babysitting three and a half year old triplets and a four month old baby and preparing for my graduation party, which, as you can imagine, is very time consuming. However, I would be lying if I said that my lack of blog posts is due to my busy days. I'll admit, I have had a bit of spare time these past couple of days. And I spent it by reading The Bone Season by Samantha Shannon. I had been putting off reading it because of all the hype it had been given and because it is the first book in what will be a seven book series. I wasn't quite sure I was ready for that kind of commitment, you know? Eventually though, I forced myself to sit down and just read the book. And once I did, I couldn't stop. Yes, it was very confusing, but I like it that way. So, when I read it for a third, fourth, fifth time, I'll still be able to discover something that I hadn't noticed the first time I read it. I highly recommend it. I did read another book last week that I was disappointed in. I read Looking for Alaska by John Green. I had already read The Fault in Our Stars and I loved it. So, naturally, I wanted to read more books by the same author, thinking they would be as equally amazing. But, I found Looking for Alaska to be depressing without a real point to the depression and drugs and drinking and sex. I couldn't really relate to characters and their choices. Not that I can really relate to the characters in The Bone Season, considering the fact that they live in an alternate reality that has clairvoyants and other worldly beings...but I do understand their choices. I get why they do what they do.Whereas Looking for Alaska characters just seemed like stupid teenagers making stupid decisions. I understand that many people love the book, but it just wasn't my cup of tea. If I were to recommend a book to you, it would definitely be The Bone Season.
          Well I believe that's all I have for you today. Hopefully I'll have more for you soon, but probably not until after my graduation party. Until then!

Washington DC and Les Miserables

          You may have noticed that I changed the look of my blog. I decided that the old one was just a little dark and depressing. The new one is much more pleasing to the eye. And it's more summery!
          So, a week or so ago I went to Washington DC with our high school marching band. I can't decide if it was really fun or not yet. I mean, it was fun. But it was also kind of awful at the same time, if you know what I mean. Over to the right is a picture of our band performing. Yup, we're a little band. But I think that's what makes it so fun. We're all pretty close. It's more like having another group of siblings than being in a band with other students. Anyway, we performed on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. It was pretty awesome. But also very hot! The sun was coming up and we were all dying. But no biggy. We saw lots of monuments/memorials while we were there. I can't quite remember all the names and all the facts, because we jampacked to much history into three days. Now, normally, I like history. It's actually interesting to me. However, when its all thrown at me at such a fast pace while I'm tired and my feet hurt...not so much. One thing I did learn on the trip wasn't about history. It was about myself. I used to have a huuuge temper. It was bad. I'm sure almost everyone hated me in elementary school. I seriously was a terrible child. I don't know how I had any friends. Although, for most of it, I only really had one friend. Anyway, I discovered that I could keep my mouth shut when confined with people that were grating on my nerves. Three days and I only really got mad at anyone once! And in my defense, I was trying to watch Les Miserables and there were a few people who were being obnoxiously loud and rude. When people get between me and Les Miserables, I am not a very happy person. Although, once I heard Do You Hear the People Sing? I was a bit happier. So the point of all this is basically a realization that I am such a different person than when I started this blog last year. And I like the new me better.

End with Happy

          Oh wow. It has certainly been a long time, hasn't it? I guess it's only been about five months. But it's amazing how much people can change in such a short amount of time. I looked back at my old posts, and, wow, I was depressing. Borderline pathetic. But that's okay. Because, at the time, the problems I had were so important to me. They took up my life.
          Well, I am pleased to announce that I am a much happier person. Anyone care to know the secret?


Happiness is that way!

          Step Numero Uno:
                    Excercise. I have not seen a physical difference, at all. (as much as I might wish it.) I have, however been happier. Which is nice. And I also beat my best 5k time by 2 minutes and 14 seconds. So, booyah!

          Step Numero Dos:
                    Healthy eating. Again, no physical difference, but I am more energetic and I don't really get hungry between meals, which is pretty handy. Less snacking! :-)

          Step Numero Tres: (<-- I spelled that right, right?)
                    This is the big one. Are you ready for it? The big bertha, ready to blow your mind. Well, not really. I just wanted to say that. Anyway, the biggest secret is....(drum roll)...
                            ...
        
                                     ...I. Don't. Care.
          That's right. I don't care how I dress. (which is generally t-shirt and jeans) I don't care if people think I'm weird (because I am, trust me.) I don't care that I've never been to a high school party (True story.) I don't care that I probably will never have a boyfriend in high school. (I was probably doomed to that fate a long time ago anyway). And I don't care that I am not athletic. (I've accepted it. And now I will only run for me.)

But.

          I DO care about my future. I care about getting good grades, getting accepted to college, and, hopefully, starting fresh. Going somewhere and doing something with my life. Who knows what I'll do. (Hopefully, publish a book, which is pretty much my biggest dream right now.)

Haha...it's a happy finger worm :)

         Step Numero Cuatro: (hahaha...almost spelled that with a Q...)
                    Make sure you're friends with people you can trust. This one should be a no brainer, but you'd be suprised at how many people are scared of their friends. They are scared of their rejection, their anger, and the pain that they could cause. So don't be one of those people.


 With all that mind, all of the zero people that read this (maybe one, possibly two) maybe this helped in some way. Or if you've already discovered the secret to happiness, I'll accept your congratulations at the door, thank you, buh-bye now, please, it was nothing, uh huh, good bye!

Or you could just read this shorter, sweeter, more understandable version. Either way, you end with Happy.

I want to be...

You know in kindergarten, when teachers ask you what you want to be when you grow up? And, in kindergarten, you feel like you can do anything. You can dream as big as you want. But, even in kindergarten I didn't really dream big. I wanted to be a teacher. Simple. I didn't want to be a princess, an astronaut, or the president. And the thing is, I've never really had a desire to teach, but when people have asked me what I want to be I found myself saying teacher again. I realized that I have never really dreamt big. Ever. I always settle with good enough. Why shoot for more if I'm happy with what I've got? Why put in more time for something uncertain? Well, I'm still working on the answer to that. But I want to dream big. I don't really want to be an English teacher. I've decided that who I am, isn't really who I want to be. I want to be someone confident. I want to smile more. I want to live without regrets. I want to pray more, love more, be more...I want to find some way that I could make a difference.
I want to get out of my socially awkward shell. I want to be the kind of person that everybody wants to know.
I want to be someone that is looked up to. I want to listen with more than just my ears.
I want be determined. I want to be the kind of person who forgives, even if I won't forget.

I want to be strong.

I want to dream.

So where am I going with this? I'm going to change. I told myself two months and a day ago, March first. And I did keep up with the plan I had for myself, for awhile at least. I ran every day. I stuck to my excercise plan. I eventually ran my first, very slow, 5k. And then I stopped. Because, despite accomplishing that, I couldn't feel proud of myself. My mind is my worst enemy, nagging and insulting. I am not a noteworthy person, so why should acheiving a mere 5k, which so many others had already done, be an accomplishment? In my eyes, it wasn't.

But...then something happened recently. May 28. I cried. A lot. I was hurt and I was disappointed. I admit it, I cried about some guy. Which when you think about it, no girl should ever do. It's not worth it. And after the tears, after the hurt, I realized something. My body, my mind, my heart...I felt like I could breathe for the first time in almost five years. I was finally done. After five long and painful years of self hatred and sadness, I felt like me. It was weird, at first. But now...I am so happy. I have not been this happy in a long time. My determination came back. As well as a little bit of confidence, although I still need to work on that. I started to run again. I'm going to run another 5k in exactly one week. And this time, I'm going to continue running. I ran yesterday in the cold, wind, and rain for the first time in two months......And I felt alive again. It was like I had been drowning and now I could breathe. Even though I can't breathe through my nose right now because I got a cold from my run, I'm so happy that I did it. I'm so happy that I can be me again.

I am strong.

I will dream.